Psalm 30:5 Says, For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life; weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." For those of you who know me, know that if you had to put me into the discussion of whether I was a right brain or a left brain, I would probably fall into the left brain category. According to scientists, the left hemisphere controls our "logic, mathematics, computation and facts." Now I know you are wondering; where is she going with this? Please just bear with me until I finish my story. Since I tend to be that left brain person I took this verse literally, "Joy comes in the morning." Wednesday was a bad day for me. I had to do things that no mother would ever expect that she would have to do. I cried most of the day and had an aching all over my body; that I had not yet had, since we were told of JD's death.. My "logic" was tomorrow will be better, because "joy comes in the morning." Needless to say, when I woke up Thursday; and I still had that ache I was a little angry. That is when I began to dig deeper into this verse. I realized that I was taking it too literally. King David wrote Psalm 30 after a sin that placed the lives of 70,000 on his hands. These lives were lost due to a sickness that David thought he was only choosing for himself. However, God forgave David of his sin, as he does all of us when we repent. David then was able to to express his gratitude for the "anger" God had placed on him, and the forgiveness that made him new. That is when the teacher in me realized that our brains are separated into two hemispheres that must work together. Although I feel sure that there is a left brain's work and a right brain's work, I also believe God created these two to work together for the betterment of ourselves. If we just look at our lives through logic, mathematics, computation and facts; we won't be able to live out the imagination, creativity, intuition, and feelings. FEELINGS, and there's that word that ties the two together. The verse I was reading I couldn't read it as a FACT, I had to read it as a FEELING. I will have times when I cry, but the tears may not be just for a day. The tears may be for two or three or even more, yet because I do believe in God's word; joy will come right on time. Just as I trust Him, I trust today is my day that joy will come. I miss my JD, and I will always miss my JD, but I know that God's got him. He is taking care of him, and I will see him again. I will continue to look at life as logical, factual and mathematically, but I will also use my creativity, intuition, and feelings to guide my new journey. Thank you God for sending me JD to love and to draw me closer to you. JD you have taught your mama more in your death than I have learned my entire life. I miss you, I love you, I yearn for you; but I do know that with God's help and your waiting for me; my joy has come this morning! I love you to the moon...
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What is normal? Normal is defined as "conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural." Our lives were normal until June 20, 2015 when God decided He needed JD for something bigger than normal. Our normal was listening as I thought the ceiling was going to cave in at any given moment because JD was always on the go upstairs. Normal was conversations that usually consisted of, "Mom I'm a teenage boy." Normal was dancing around the house followed by a hug and a kiss. Normal was Taco Bell bags, Poptarts, and Powerade bottles stuffed under Hannah's bed; even after telling him a million times that was unacceptable. Normal was "I know I've made mistakes, but you have never given up on me." Normal was Hannah and I watching Netflix, Snapchatting each other from my bed, looking at social media together and laughing at wisdom teeth removal videos. To change the word to add a "sparkle" to this post. A synonym for normal is typical. A typical day at our house consisted of David cleaning our cars, working in our yards, and loving each one of us wholeheartedly. To our family our lives were normal and we loved it! Our life was normal with JD here in his earthly body. Since his death nothing has been typical/normal. We have a new normal. Last night when Hannah returned from a short vacation with a friend's family we attempted to continue a typical night of Netflix. We are currently in Season 2 of Army Wives. At the end of the episode and after talking about JD some the song "It is Well with My Soul" began playing. Now so far in this series there has been nothing normal about a Christian song being played and especially one that touches our hearts as this one does. This song was sung at JD's service because it was the first one to come to my mind when David and I were told about his death. The song was written by Horatio Spafford after several tragic events happened in his life one being losing all four of his daughters after a ship they were traveling on sank at sea. My mind, as it as been these past 2 weeks, immediately turned to our NEW NORMAL. Our new normal is praising God for 18 years with an amazing boy who we named Joshua David and called him Josh David until he came home from second grade and told me that he was tired of writing 9 letters every time he had to write his name on his paper at school. That spitfire changed his own name! He then became JD. Our new normal is laughing at all the things that used to make us just shake our heads in disbelief. Our new normal is knowing "It is Well with My/Our Soul(s)". Romans 12:2 says "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." This verse reassures me that while we loved and cherished our normal; we are just passing through this world, and God has our new normal in His control just as He did our "normal". We miss our JD and our old normal, but we know that he is waiting for us at Home with our Savior. And it is by God's sacrifice and "Amazing Grace" that we will see him again. "What a Day that will be when my Jesus I shall see, when I look upon His face the One who saved me by His grace". Until then you are never away from us one second, J.d. Paul. We love you!
God has blessed us with so many praying friends. We feel His love surrounding us. James 1:17 speaks to me today. "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." JD was a gift, a good gift; a perfect gift from our Father above. I love you all!
Let's disciple these youth through their college years too! I do think with continued prayer and yes, these care packages we can disciple to them. It doesn't have to be our own child. Let's take a few, and the discipleship will grow. I'm up for it, are you?
Praying over your family every day!
Isaiah 43:2 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” "He never promised that the cross would not get heavy, and the hill would not be hard to climb. He never offered victories without fighting, but He said help would always come in time." Today I have missed you more than ever before, but through His word I know, "God's got you." I love you, JD Paul.
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June 2023
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