"God's got me"
God's Got Me
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chrisine paul

7/27/2017

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​I am not going to tell an untruth when David and I named this child, I knew I wanted his name to be Joshua before I even knew he was a boy. I wanted Joshua, because it was a Biblical name. I didn't choose this name because I knew the Bible that well, because I didn't. Just as with Hannah's name, it made me feel good saying our children are named after some pretty important Bible characters. As much as it embarrasses me, I didn't know these two people from God's word until I had to totally give up appearances and get to know my Father by the way He takes care of His people. I had to read His word. Tonight I looked up the days it has been since I've seen my child. Upon seeing the number 767, the tears began flowing. I hurt. Thankfully during the last 767 days I have come to know Joshua from the Bible much better. As you know, God used him to lead the Israelites into the promised land. Like many of us, he was apprehensive about such a large task. God knew this and tells him to be strong and courageous. He promised to be with Joshua and His people wherever they went. While rereading Joshua 1 again tonight, I was reminded that He keeps that same promise to us. Even though He calls us into difficult circumstances, He is there to carry us through whatever it is. He even prepares us before we realize what our need will be. On day 767 without my Joshua, God knew that I would need to be reminded of His warrior Joshua. I am so thankful that God looks past our appearances and knows our hearts. I am also thankful that no matter what our struggle is, He will never leave us. And I am most thankful that on day 767 I feel a little more strong and courageous, because I am trusting that He is preparing me for the rest of my days until I am reunited with my Joshua in Heaven.

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chrisine paul

7/10/2017

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Psalm 30:5 Says, For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life; weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." For those of you who know me, know that if you had to put me into the discussion of whether I was a right brain or a left brain, I would probably fall into the left brain category. According to scientists, the left hemisphere controls our "logic, mathematics, computation and facts." Now I know you are wondering; where is she going with this? Please just bear with me until I finish my story. Since I tend to be that left brain person I took this verse literally, "Joy comes in the morning." Wednesday was a bad day for me. I had to do things that no mother would ever expect that she would have to do. I cried most of the day and had an aching all over my body; that I had not yet had, since we were told of JD's death.. My "logic" was tomorrow will be better, because "joy comes in the morning." Needless to say, when I woke up Thursday; and I still had that ache I was a little angry. That is when I began to dig deeper into this verse. I realized that I was taking it too literally. King David wrote Psalm 30 after a sin that placed the lives of 70,000 on his hands. These lives were lost due to a sickness that David thought he was only choosing for himself. However, God forgave David of his sin, as he does all of us when we repent. David then was able to to express his gratitude for the "anger" God had placed on him, and the forgiveness that made him new. That is when the teacher in me realized that our brains are separated into two hemispheres that must work together. Although I feel sure that there is a left brain's work and a right brain's work, I also believe God created these two to work together for the betterment of ourselves. If we just look at our lives through logic, mathematics, computation and facts; we won't be able to live out the imagination, creativity, intuition, and feelings. FEELINGS, and there's that word that ties the two together. The verse I was reading I couldn't read it as a FACT, I had to read it as a FEELING. I will have times when I cry, but the tears may not be just for a day. The tears may be for two or three or even more, yet because I do believe in God's word; joy will come right on time. Just as I trust Him, I trust today is my day that joy will come. I miss my JD, and I will always miss my JD, but I know that God's got him. He is taking care of him, and I will see him again. I will continue to look at life as logical, factual and mathematically, but I will also use my creativity, intuition, and feelings to guide my new journey. Thank you God for sending me JD to love and to draw me closer to you. JD you have taught your mama more in your death than I have learned my entire life. I miss you, I love you, I yearn for you; but I do know that with God's help and your waiting for me; my joy has come this morning! I love you to the moon...
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