I have asked God the question, Was I really that far away from You that You took my child, several times since JD's death. It hurts me more than I can explain to think that his death may have been because of me. I have struggled with feelings of anger and unbelief. After many conversations with God and other people, I am beginning to understand. Although, I have read these verses before, I honestly did not understand them until now. 1st Peter 1: 3-9, in my Sunday School book is titled, A Living Hope. These verses are written by Peter to explain why it is important to cling to the hope that God gives us of an eternal life with Him when we are going through hardships here. And yes, sometimes these hardships are to grow our faith in Christ. This is where my heart breaks in many pieces. Although I will not know all the reasons for God's divine plan for my suffering until Christ returns, I can infer that my suffering has brought spiritual maturity to my Christian life that probably wouldn't have happened if I hadn't lost my child. Does this take away my pain? No, it doesn't. In some ways the pain is more excruciating now than it was then. With that being said, so is the joy. God provided a way for me to fully understand His love for me. Even though I don't like to think of it, my faith grew through the loss of my child. But this loss is only temporary. I now know without a doubt that these two hands will join in Heaven, and our family will be whole again, with God. I am thankful that God loves me enough to show me His grace and allow me to find joy in the sufferings of this world. I am thankful for all of His blessings.
RSS Feed