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chrisine paul

11/22/2017

This is one of my favorite pictures of JD. Although I can’t see his face, I imagine him smiling. I thought of this picture when I was told a story. The story: During a dream, a friend that I haven’t seen in a while is in the hospital about to lose someone she loves. JD appears in her dream, and they begin to talk. Through the conversation, JD asks her, “How is my mama doing, I can only see or hear her when she laughs.” This was an odd dream to my friend, because she knew JD only through David and me. Her prayer the next morning was for God to present a time for her to reveal this dream to me, if He wanted me to know. I’m sure she thought she would never have the opportunity to share this with me, but God knew. It just so happens that very afternoon she was at my school and told someone who sees me more often than she. And because of both of their obedience, I was reminded that God is still taking care of my broken heart through His people, just like He always will. I was also reminded that this statement JD made in the dream is completely Biblical, as we’ve been told there is no sorrow in Heaven. As I think more about this dream, I am more determined to laugh. God wants His children to laugh. I know life is hard, but I also know that this life is not the end. I pray that no matter what you may be going through that you’ll find time for God to comfort you and to laugh. JD may or may not be able to see my face, like I can’t his in this picture, but I am going to make more of an effort to smile and laugh. Genesis 21:6 ~ “God has given me cause to laugh, and all who hear it will laugh with me.“

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2017 Golf Tournament

11/11/2017

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chrisine paul

9/14/2017

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More of His goodness in my heartbreak. I am in love with this and His mercy. "God's Got Me" in Africa.

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chrisine paul

9/13/2017

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While cleaning up yesterday, which is my least favorite thing to do, I found this ball. It was as if God was reminding me that I needed this storm to put some things back into perspective. Some days I get so involved with my plan that I forget to even invite Him into our quite time. I go through the motions of checking off a box showing that I've read some verses. And I do this without ever hearing what He may be trying to say to me. My plan for having time with Jesus on these particular days is not successful. By doing this, I am showing God that I am still very stubbornly trying to control what is happening in my life. We all know that God has a plan for our lives, but we will not be successful in living out His plan unless we allow Him to help us succeed. This ball reminded that I have got to listen for His voice in every triumph and yes, tragedy. I have got to invite Him into our quiet time and listen for His still, small voice. Thank you God for using my child's handwriting and this storm to remind me that in order for me to be successful, I need Your help and maybe I should clean my house more.

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chrisine paul

8/26/2017

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There are days when the sting is still so real and my heart aches to hear JD's voice, so I look at his social media. In times like these I am thankful that I can go and see his face and read his words. I came across his post from Mother's Day in May 2015, and it got me to thinking. Even though he thought he wasn't the perfect son, in my eyes, there was nothing that he could have done to make me love him any less. Yes, he was flawed. Yes, I am too. We all are. I also began thinking about the love that our Father has for us, and I realize that the love I have for my children can not compare to the love that Jesus has for us, and that within itself blows me away! Just like JD, I know that there are a lot of times that I let Jesus down. And also like JD, I strive everyday to make Him proud of me. But unfortunately, every day, I am going to fail. I am going to make mistakes, because sin entered this world through man. However, we have a Redeemer that takes our mistakes, forgives them and forgets. He only asks that we turn them over to Him. If we can love our children through all of their mistakes, imagine what Jesus can do for ours. It is my hope that if you are struggling with anything right now that you would give it to Jesus. We are so blessed to call Him, our Father.

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Chrisine paul

8/16/2017

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As I was reading Job 13 this morning, God revealed this to me. When you can be both hopeful and heart broken, you understand His character. His ways are not our ways, and that is always best for us. Oh, what we, who believe, have waiting for us!

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chrisine paul

7/27/2017

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I am not going to tell an untruth when David and I named this child, I knew I wanted his name to be Joshua before I even knew he was a boy. I wanted Joshua, because it was a Biblical name. I didn't choose this name because I knew the Bible that well, because I didn't. Just as with Hannah's name, it made me feel good saying our children are named after some pretty important Bible characters. As much as it embarrasses me, I didn't know these two people from God's word until I had to totally give up appearances and get to know my Father by the way He takes care of His people. I had to read His word. Tonight I looked up the days it has been since I've seen my child. Upon seeing the number 767, the tears began flowing. I hurt. Thankfully during the last 767 days I have come to know Joshua from the Bible much better. As you know, God used him to lead the Israelites into the promised land. Like many of us, he was apprehensive about such a large task. God knew this and tells him to be strong and courageous. He promised to be with Joshua and His people wherever they went. While rereading Joshua 1 again tonight, I was reminded that He keeps that same promise to us. Even though He calls us into difficult circumstances, He is there to carry us through whatever it is. He even prepares us before we realize what our need will be. On day 767 without my Joshua, God knew that I would need to be reminded of His warrior Joshua. I am so thankful that God looks past our appearances and knows our hearts. I am also thankful that no matter what our struggle is, He will never leave us. And I am most thankful that on day 767 I feel a little more strong and courageous, because I am trusting that He is preparing me for the rest of my days until I am reunited with my Joshua in Heaven.

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chrisine paul

7/10/2017

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Psalm 30:5 Says, For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life; weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." For those of you who know me, know that if you had to put me into the discussion of whether I was a right brain or a left brain, I would probably fall into the left brain category. According to scientists, the left hemisphere controls our "logic, mathematics, computation and facts." Now I know you are wondering; where is she going with this? Please just bear with me until I finish my story. Since I tend to be that left brain person I took this verse literally, "Joy comes in the morning." Wednesday was a bad day for me. I had to do things that no mother would ever expect that she would have to do. I cried most of the day and had an aching all over my body; that I had not yet had, since we were told of JD's death.. My "logic" was tomorrow will be better, because "joy comes in the morning." Needless to say, when I woke up Thursday; and I still had that ache I was a little angry. That is when I began to dig deeper into this verse. I realized that I was taking it too literally. King David wrote Psalm 30 after a sin that placed the lives of 70,000 on his hands. These lives were lost due to a sickness that David thought he was only choosing for himself. However, God forgave David of his sin, as he does all of us when we repent. David then was able to to express his gratitude for the "anger" God had placed on him, and the forgiveness that made him new. That is when the teacher in me realized that our brains are separated into two hemispheres that must work together. Although I feel sure that there is a left brain's work and a right brain's work, I also believe God created these two to work together for the betterment of ourselves. If we just look at our lives through logic, mathematics, computation and facts; we won't be able to live out the imagination, creativity, intuition, and feelings. FEELINGS, and there's that word that ties the two together. The verse I was reading I couldn't read it as a FACT, I had to read it as a FEELING. I will have times when I cry, but the tears may not be just for a day. The tears may be for two or three or even more, yet because I do believe in God's word; joy will come right on time. Just as I trust Him, I trust today is my day that joy will come. I miss my JD, and I will always miss my JD, but I know that God's got him. He is taking care of him, and I will see him again. I will continue to look at life as logical, factual and mathematically, but I will also use my creativity, intuition, and feelings to guide my new journey. Thank you God for sending me JD to love and to draw me closer to you. JD you have taught your mama more in your death than I have learned my entire life. I miss you, I love you, I yearn for you; but I do know that with God's help and your waiting for me; my joy has come this morning! I love you to the moon...

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joy carlton

4/15/2017

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Chrisine Paul, we ate a late lunch at Taco Bell today. Mark said he wanted the 5 layer beefy burrito. I said, "That's the JD special." When our order was ready, the worker said, "JD special," instead of our name or number. I loved my glimpse of your boy today. Everyone there smiled.

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chrisine paul

4/7/2017

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I have looked at the sky more these last 21 months than I have my entire life. I've heard and read if you see a red cardinal that means a visitor from Heaven is near. You can bet this mama has been looking for her bird! I look for birds everywhere, all the time. I have seen only a few cardinals since JD died. One last year when the Yellow Jackets played their first baseball game and one today. But today something else grabbed my attention, I heard the birds! That may sound si...lly, because a bird's song is one of the first sounds of spring. I began thinking of the last time I heard the birds, and as far as I can remember, it was probably the spring before JD died. I know I didn't hear any last year. Is that because there were no singing birds last year? Of course not. I didn't hear them, because I was so grief-stricken that I didn't stop to listen for the birds. I think that sometimes we get so caught up in the frustrations of life that we don't stop to see or hear the blessings God has given us. Our blessings may not look or sound like someone else's, but they are our blessings given to us by our Savior for His good and ours. These blessings may cause us great heartache, but that heartache will only last for a season. God has already made sure that those who love and trust in Him will one day never have heartache again. I pray that during this coming week before Easter that you will stop, look and listen for God's blessings in your life. I pray that you will stop long enough to spend some daily time with Him. I pray that you will look for and see His good, even in the difficult days, and I also pray that you will be able to hear the birds! Today, on this beautiful day with my beautiful husband, I heard the birds!

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