chrisine

I have heard from people and read about the stages of grief, but I will say that when trying to find comfort from our loss of JD I want to dig deeper into God's word. I was doing my journal on Wednesday night and the verse Psalm 119:44 were the words written on my page. See I'm supposed to read the verse and then respond with my feelings to the verse. The verse says, " The righteousness of thy testimonies is everlasting; give me understanding, and I shall live." Like usual I have to look up how I should interpret some verses. As you all know, some are not so easy to understand. Well to me this was one of them. I found where this verse had been translated. The translation was very clear when I read it, "The way You tell me to live is always right; help me understand it, so I can live to the fullest." At this point it was late, and I had had me a full day of grieving. My response was, " You told me on June 20th You were taking back my gift You had loaned me for 18 years. You told me that everything is done for Your glory. You also told me that You would take care of me. I believe that, as this verse says; or is translated to say; The way You tell me to live is always right; help me understand, so I can live to the fullest." Well, the more I wrote; the more I seemed to get upset. The words that I wrote after this bothered me a little, but I couldn't stop them from coming. They were, "You WILL bring me comfort and peace. You WILL bring me out of the darkness into Your light. I will praise You in this storm, but You WILL reunite me with my son again." If you notice my last words were out of frustration. I wanted God to know that I trusted Him and I expected Him to keep His promise. I felt horrible that I was speaking to my Father in this way. I quickly looked for another verse to explain my frustration. It was found in Psalm 13. I would love for you to read it. I feel like it would touch you more if you look it up for yourself. A little of the background is that David wrote this verse, because he was sad or upset that Saul was trying to kill him. After reading this verse, I was able to add my last thoughts, and they are; "Thank You for Your sacrifice that ensures that Christ died and rose again so that we could live with You and all other believers again. Thank you for using JD to touch so many lives. Please continue to use him in ways to glorify Your Kingdom. Help me to be more pleasing to You. I love you, God." God quickly turned my grief into a praising period with Him. I felt renewed in the fact that "I shall live", because that is what He promised me. And as I close this post I would also like to share what God sent me the very next day in the mail. I received a card and on the outside it said, "I am Your God, I WILL strengthen you, Yes, I WILL help you, I WILL uphold you... Isaiah 41:10. Thank you God for keeping Your promises and loving us unconditionally. Thank you for the journey we had with JD, but thank You for the one that is yet to come. David, Hannah and I will praise You in this storm! We all love you to the moon. J.d. Paul